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Beast Wars Analogy ahoy! [Dec. 30th, 2016|01:50 am]
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Scene toward the end of my book, using Beast Wars characters because I find it funny:

For the purpose of this example, main character is Dinobot. Dinobot is doing some serious Dinobot-level scenery-chewing. Serious melodrama ranting.

Love interest Silverbolt is being useless and sort of chivalrous and mostly just shambling around hopelessly trying to talk Dinobot out of doing something extremely stupid and it's not very effective.

Best friend Rattrap has shown up and is like "Yeah no, I need you to knock that right the hell off what is WRONG WITH YOU"

That scene needed best friend Rattrap.
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Kulipari: Warflower [Nov. 28th, 2016|07:46 am]
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Well, I have finished the first draft! Finished it after an 8-hour sprint on Saturday. Now I'm waiting for Mr. Pryce to finish reading it and get back to me about anything he wants changed/added and I'll do a revision. There are a few things I want to possibly add but I need his feedback first. While he is extremely laid back about it, this is still his universe and I'm just playing in the sandbox. Whatever I write needs to fit into the continuity, after all, as my stuff is now canon and has sort of made some major changes to season 2. >_> I feel sort of bad about it since I got one of the characters written out of most of the season due to what I wrote, but now that character will be a major player in season 3 if Netflix picks it up? As someone who has absurd amounts of respect for the VAs, I feel REALLY BAD about this... Reassurance that one of four characters was going to be written out and my story just cemented who it would be is not helping since of course it was my favorite character that it happened to. :/

Once I got done writing, I had NO IDEA what to do with myself. Did I even have hobbies before this novel? It's weird as hell. XD Of course, the change over to a new computer (mine died and he OVERNIGHTED ME A NEW ONE WHAT) means that I'm fighting with AIM in particular. I'm going to see if I can just transfer over the entire program. My registration information is quite literally 17 years old. I have NO IDEA what any of my information even WAS, let alone my password that I haven't changed in ages and just counted on my computer to remember. :P I do have a program now that remembers them all for me so that's nice. Every time I try to convince AIM to look up my old account it says it can't and to refresh my cookies... because the cookies are the problem and not the switch to a completely different machine. Meh.

I ran errands yesterday like a grownup, which included going to the laundromat. I had on a "Vote Brony 2012" shirt on that has a silhouette of Rainbow Dash drawn up like the Democrat donkey, so I'm not sure if that had anything to do with the fact that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. was talking about how Trump is going to be the best president ever and will bring back jobs and they just don't understand why people are complaining, since "Lying Hillary" would've ruined the country somehow, and one was even calling for him to just remain president for life! I didn't challenge anything, just made sure I kept an eye on the one Hispanic woman in the laundromat who was quietly trying to wash her clothes in peace. Nobody gave her a hard time, but I was ready to get involved if needed. There was one particular angry guy that I was concerned about who legitimately scared me, who was glaring at me the entire time I was there- which was one and a half to two hours- wearing his "Make America Great Again" red hat and striking up conversations with everyone about whether or not they supported Trump. He didn't talk to me but I could just feel the anger from his general direction.

I was so happy to come home, though I felt bad for everyone else in the laundromat having to deal with him. Most of them appeared to agree with him and happily chimed in, but there was myself, the Hispanic woman, and another male patron who kept to ourselves and would exchange uncomfortable looks with each other. I wish I hadn't felt so powerless in the situation and could've said SOMETHING but given the rhetoric I was hearing, nobody was in a place where they were going to listen to anything I said. I wanted to cry out of discomfort and fear and this is just the worst, guys.
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Ch-ch-ch-changes [Nov. 6th, 2016|07:38 pm]

So "Building a New Normal" has a new, expanded plot and a new title, and I won't be posting updates online anymore, because...

...We're hoping to have "Kulipari: Warflower" published in 2017.

*joyful shrieking*

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Discoveries [Nov. 2nd, 2016|01:21 am]

So as someone who once journaled nightly, I have amassed quite the collection of journals. There are a bunch in my nightstand. When I had Thoughts! at 6:00 this morning, I pulled one out and checked to see if it was blank. It was, so I wrote on the inside cover that it is notes for the book, and started writing notes for my story proposal in it.

Later today I realized that I had used it as a journal at one point, from the back cover in on accident. The date in the back cover says I started that journal on April 1, 2005. My breakdown was in March of 2005. That is when I got put on lamictal, which is the mood stabilizer that saved my life, but took away my words. I glanced through the journal entries and a couple entries in, I had started complaining of "a wicked case of writer's block."

The writer's block did not go away. It was finally broken about a month and a half ago- by writing Kulipari fanfiction. Which is now becoming a book.

Mind. Blown.

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Wow. So, um... [Oct. 30th, 2016|11:35 pm]

So on Saturday 11/29, I was bemoaning how there was no attention being paid to my Kulipari stuff because there is no fandom.

Sunday 11/30 I compulsively check devart and discover that Trevor Pryce has found my fic.

Trevor Pryce WROTE the Kulipari books.


And wants to give me a job.

I am literally dying now!

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Oh, yeah, I forgot. [Oct. 29th, 2016|05:04 pm]
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Totally posted the beginning of the new fic.

Building a New Normal

Chapter 3 will probably go up this weekend as it's nearly done.  I think chapter 4 will wait until after the fourth comic comes out on 11/9, so I know how it will effect the storyline.  I want to introduce Wilka SO BAD.  While I have the distinct feeling she was introduced to be Burnu's love interest, she is still awesome.  Her special power?  Basically shadow clone jutsu. 
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Hoo boy. [Oct. 7th, 2016|09:20 pm]

Posted my fic.  Twiddled my thumbs a bit.  Reminded myself "You have a convention in a few weeks! Make stuff!"

I'm writing a second fic.
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So I, uh, wrote a thing. [Oct. 5th, 2016|01:08 am]
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It's my first fanfic in 12 years.  It's the longest fanfic I believe I've ever written.  It's the first fanfic I've ever posted to AO3; previous ones are all rotting in the Pit of Voles.

And it's about warrior poison frogs. >_>

But I am damn proud of my nearly 19000 words (I am two words shy!) so if you want to get really hella confused, give it a read.  It's based on a show called "Kulipari: An Army of Frogs" on Netflix, which bit me HARD.  I have since gotten the books and this fic was written with the books at my side, carefully referencing and re-referencing the source material like I was writing a term paper.

But it's a fanfic about warrior poison frogs.

Did I mention one has a bright red mohawk?

Feels good to write again, though.
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Seriously, I don't even. I am FEEDING YOU HOMEMADE GOODS. STFU. [Dec. 24th, 2015|12:23 am]
Dearest coworkers: Please do not walk into my kitchen on a day I am throwing a client party and fuss at me about anything, least of all the menu. Just don't. Your assistance is not mandatory because I learned several holidays ago that none of you will help when specifically instructed to do so. Your assistance is hardly expected, as all I can count on you to do is show up, wait in line to be served with the other residents after I ask for help serving, and then your swift disappearance after I ask for help cleaning up.

Walking into my kitchen where I am actually baking things so residents can have nice home-baked goods, and immediately demanding to know why I'm baking muffins and not sugar cookies?

You are damn lucky I value my Kitchenaid stand mixer; I had half a mind to throw it at you. (The other half realized I probably couldn't throw it that far.) Seriously, you deserved the string of profanity and hostility you got when you poked your head in and said "Those aren't sugar cookies!" Nope, they sure aren't, get out.

I am seriously bringing this up at a meeting. I know my job might look like 'fluff' to everyone else, but I'm doing it to the best of my ability and I want things to be nice for the residents. I don't ask for help very often, so when I do, it would be nice if people outside of my awesome case manager partner-in-crime would be of use. My coworkers got into line after residents, then all came around for seconds with the residents, and I realized there wasn't much food left and I hadn't eaten anything all day because I'd been too busy running around getting things ready. I asked for someone to watch over the food table while I went to put on my Santa hat to hand out presents, and come back to find residents with their hands IN the food, helping themselves, and a gaggle of coworkers standing just next to the table, talking about something. I just... augh.
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Dude, I'm not as deaf as I claim to be. [Nov. 28th, 2015|08:52 pm]
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I do have some hearing loss in my left ear (driving for years with your window down (no ac) and going in excess of the 70mph speed limit'll do that to you), and for whatever reason I struggle to understand people when they are in front of me, and I often read their lips a lot for cues, but shit people say from my side or behind me? I hear and understand every. single. word.

Thanksgiving was rough this year. I made a truly amazing dinner for my clients at work but primarily with no help, and was on my feet for 10+ hours doing it. I am already stressed out due to various work stressors- a toxic environment from my bosses who expect absolute compliance and give no room for error, fire people in a hot second and then call them idiots when they really just didn't jive for whatever reason, where I am salaried but have been told that it is expected I work more than 40 hours/week and "that's why you're salaried, so you can work extra" which, um, no? Pretty sure that's actually wage theft, or at the very least, rude. Where my going to HR and bringing up that something was particularly triggering to me during a meeting somehow was turned into a performance review where my job was threatened. Where I'm afraid to say or do anything out of line, and I just hide in my building, and run my program... which is being evaluated by CARF to determine if I will be certified next week. No pressure at all.

I was originally planning to go to my parents' house after work on Wednesday, but I was so emotionally and physically wiped out I couldn't even. We were going to do a 5K the next morning, and I had to be up by 6:30 to get there in time. Last year my stepdad bet my mom $50 that I wouldn't do it, and physical fitness is an obsession in my family, and I have never measured up or been found worthy in that domain. I was so anxious and stressed out I didn't fall asleep until 4 am, so obviously I slept right through my alarm. I then decided not to go to Thanksgiving either. I was so triggered and anxious, I was a mess. I ended up calling off work FMLA on Friday, and still feel guilty about it.

So this brings us to today- Saturday. My mom started the tradition of going and cutting down our own tree after she remarried, for just us- my brother, sister, mom and I, so every year we go out the weekend after Thanksgiving to cut down a tree. I was feeling up to people by then, so I came out to participate.

I know I can be a know-it-all sometimes, really. And I didn't hear everything that was said, due to multiple tractors, chainsaws, and various other machines being used to trim, shake, and bundle trees being brought in, but after a random comment about how emu tastes like ham and how I know that (my Renaissance Faire in Ohio, sells "turkey legs" but they're actually emu) and a mild disagreement that this was actually the case, but I am pretty confident in this fact, as turkey generally does not taste like ham, and turkey legs aren't that HUGE, and it's something of an open secret among the Faire folk.

As I was climbing down off the wagon, helping my nephew so he didn't fall, I heard my mom say "..it's like the Disney-Pixar thing." Earlier in the day there had been a conversation in the car about Diney and Disney-Pixar being two separate elements, and their movies are totally different, so I had been clarifying who made "Inside Out," Pixar or Disney. So I guess someone asked mom about me being, well, me, and needing to be right or clarifying things or whatever, and it was just... said like that. It hurt, but I didn't say anything, partly because I wasn't sure who had asked the initial question (pretty sure it was my brother-in-law) and I wasn't sure what the initial question *was* though there aren't too many possibilities, given the answer.

I avoided people for two days and texted my sister to see if mom was mad at me, after I was only able to give monosyllabic answers when my sister called to see if I was coming to Thanksgiving. (Pretty sure the entire conversation on my side consisted of five words. "Are you coming?" "No." "Really?" "Yes." "Are you okay?" "Not really." "Okay, well, try to come to cut trees on Saturday, okay?" "Sure.") I have been very anxious about if people are mad at me, if they are disappointed, walking on eggshells to try to survive, and I finally started to let my guard down again and then... that. A reminder that I can be a know-it-all and we're just going to whisper it behind her back.

Except I'm not deaf back there.

I'm not sure if feelings were trying to be spared or what, but I was so upset. I wandered off for a while and cried, avoiding people and bonding with a very friendly, very patient draft horse in the petting zoo area of the farm. I just shrugged and pretended it didn't happen when it was time to go, and tried to go back to normal, but I was right back on those damn eggshells.

Thankfully I have one more day to avoid people. Next week is CARF and I imagine I'll be a disaster next weekend as well, and then I have to make Christmas happen for my residents and I'm sure I'll end up doing that all on my own, too. :/
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